Self-Sabotaging: The Reason We Do It and How To Stop It!

Self-sabotaging is a pattern that many of us may have found ourselves in at one point or another. Usually, it happens at a very unconscious level and begins to form a pattern throughout our life. As soon as someone's close to achieving something, a successful relationship, a job, or anything which might offer stability, the person may do something which blocks or prevents it from happening.

For outsiders looking in, the pattern may be obvious. The person experiencing it may even begin to recognize their own cycle themselves, yet are unconsciously aware of why it's occurring. Perhaps just as a relationship gets closer, they'll make a choice that destroys it. Or just as they're about to land that huge opportunity to get a job they really needed, they forget to send an important document that sabotages it.

Truth is, Self-sabotaging is incredibly common. It's actually rare to come across someone who hasn't blocked their own best interests at some point or another.

So why is it so common? Where does this extremely common pattern originate from? And better yet, how can we break out of it?

Those of you who follow my work understand that most of my focus is on identifying wounds that originated in childhood. Self-sabotaging is no exception.

The pattern of Self-sabotage is something that usually takes place after a child was punished or reprimanded for doing something "wrong". However this was experienced in the eyes of the child, they were usually made to feel as if they were undeserving of being rewarded and that they needed to be punished for something thereafter. Sometimes the pattern takes on a very specific identity, which manifests in particular areas such as unhealthy relationships, financial difficulties, or even health and wellness.

The way Self-sabotaging manifests is unique to the individual, however, what's common amongst all Self-sabotage is a general feeling of blocking oneself due to the unconscious feeling of not being worthy of something. It's as if there's a deeply unconscious critical voice on autopilot that says "You aren't a good boy or girl" and "This isn't going to happen for you, because you don't deserve it!". Unconscious guilt sets in.

Most can relate to this somewhat, due to the fact that it's also very much engrained as a societal belief. Many people harness this energy unconsciously from childhood which goes widely accepted by a huge percentage of the population. Society conditions children to feel unworthy in a world that overly emphasizes "perfection" in accordance with highly impossible standards to live up to.

As children, we will do anything to appease our caretakers. We are also at a vulnerable state in our development where we believe what our caretakers say about everything, including about ourselves and our identity. Young children are impressionable with their beliefs, like sponges they absorb everything said literally.

Children want to be noticed, to feel unconditionally loved, and most importantly to feel they belong. I have seen this commonality within every person I've ever worked with without exception. The feeling of being loved and accepted by our loved ones is a universal need. It's basic human survival, especially at a young age.

Now, imagine a child doing something their caretaker disagrees with. They get in trouble and are punished for it. Imagine if the child was told they do not deserve something because of it, or if words such as "you're a bad child" or "bad children aren't given a reward for such behavior". Words are taken literally and to heart. Even worse for the child, they've now disappointed their caretakers, which to the child is their entire universe. Children actually look at their caretakers as above everything, so their livelihood and worthiness are now at stake in their minds. They have in the eyes of the "all mighty" done something "very wrong". To the people who are most important to them, they are now seen as "bad".

The child may now unconsciously harbor emotions that they are no longer deserving of love. That they don't deserve the prize or a cookie after such behavior, which stays with them and later shifts into prosperity or abundance. They may go on to continue to imprint these feelings on different circumstances of reward throughout their life because they never made the transition of recognizing that the isolated incident which occurred in childhood, was not indicative of their overall identity. The communication which was delivered from caretaker to child perhaps never made the differentiation that while the child may have made an inappropriate decision in that particular moment, it does not define who they are (an important distinction for a caretaker to be sure to make when disciplining a child).

Everyone stumbles when learning. It's ok to make mistakes, it's also normal! But it's not indicative of who we are. Once we learn the lesson, it's time to move on.

So how do we stop ourselves from continuing to perpetuate a cycle of self-sabotage?

First, we need to become boldly honest with ourselves and see that we may be self-sabotaging our own happiness. We need to call ourselves out and stop blaming others or life's "circumstances" for what continually seems to be blocking us from manifesting our truest desires. We need to stop saying things like, "I'm just cursed" when it comes to money or relationships, and recognize that there is something within us that creates and attracts the same situations over and over again.

About Jenine

Co-founder, creator, and leading expert in freeing others to awakn™ their unique gifts and step into their authentic self, Jenine's propriety method, based on healing the wounded child, guides you to reconnect with your child essence™, the Sacred You™, where all solutions reside. 

An award-winning, international, best-selling author, skillful subconscious facilitator, and inner-child specialist, she continually embodies and demonstrates a simple truth...that anything is possible if you believe...even unicorns!