Dealing With Unresourceful Memories
Recently, I was asked a series of questions in regard to the nature of memories and why some, particularly the undesired ones, often cycle in our minds. The focus of the conversation was in response to the (paraphrased) questions... ”Why do we replay unfavorable memories, why is it that some memories linger repetitively, and, what can one do about releasing unresourceful thought patterns?”
This is where we will spend our time today.
Now, interestingly enough, and for a humorous side comment, while I was in the act of typing the previous paragraph, my computer auto-corrected the above word from ‘unresourceful’ to ‘unresolved’. How awesome! Why? Well, in the simplest of responses, the answer to those questions above is that those memories are actually important moments from past experiences where a chain of events was left ‘unresolved’.
I trust you too can begin to appreciate the synchronistic humor. OK...let’s go deeper and explain what’s happening here.
When an unfavorable memory is brought to our attention (into your conscious awareness), it is a clear, or maybe not yet so clear indication, that our subconscious has placed a focus on a specific moment, for a specific reason...more often, so we to go back and (re)gain something, or, some things.
‘How’ this occurs is outside the scope of this writing, however, a much more valuable question, in this case, is...‘for what purpose’...because, once that is comprehended, then grasping how to influence undesired memories becomes far more accessible.
So What’s Going On?
To state it simply, there is a natural and powerful unconscious desire to resolve imbalances, trauma, or stuck energy from the past, which resides either within and outside of our conscious awareness. In this relentless pursuit, the subconscious often takes whatever opportunity possible to bring into conscious awareness a chance to resolve this unprocessed energy. When such a memory resurfaces, either out of the blue or following a relatively fresh wound, know that your subconscious is presenting you with an option for healing, reminding you of the experience and offering a suggestion to pay attention, as there is something to reclaim or something to bring closure to.
Now, for those who have the resources to handle such a subconscious request, alongside a conscious presence of what’s taking place, then healing and growth can result. However, if it’s not attended to, as often it isn’t, then rest assured, the experience (or memory) will surface again, at a later date, for another attempt at completion. Hence the nature of the questions above.
It’s also good to mention that these unresolved memories can resurface at any time until resolved. It can present immediately after the event has occurred or decades later on a surprise visit. Fascinating and perhaps less obvious is that these stuck emotions can also display in varying ways, from daily interactions in direct relation to the original event, or, most commonly, as a metaphor through another singular event or in a repetitive life-cycle. I trust you know of at least one friend who always seems to find a partner with the same dysfunctional tendencies, repeating the same toxic relationship, again and again. Yes, like that.
Now, recalling that our unconscious is an efficient association machine with a craving for balance, it’s good to also realize that unresourceful memories can and often seem to resurface at the most unexpected and undesired times. Wherever there is an opportunity to make a connection to a past event in need of completion, your unconscious will certainly offer a reminder of what is left unfinished, with or without your conscious permission. For example, a child who was teased in elementary school for speaking in front of the class may quickly find the same feelings present as an adult the moment s/he is aware of a presentation that must be given for a company event.
Furthermore, this desire for closure functions to such an extent that the subconscious mind will increase its intensity to gain attention, growing louder, often in time to include the creation of an emotional, mental, and physical complication/illness. In short, we must face what we have yet to resolve, so we can heal, grow, and evolve.
So, how does one move on?
First, let’s be clear and upfront. There isn’t a one-technique, fit-all, approach, or program. Anyone who states otherwise is fooling themselves or you. We are each a unique combination of experiences, and so too is the order and menu of support needed. That said, know that there are main components we have found necessary to balance the energy surrounding an unresourceful time and event (the memory). It is from these, that you can find peace and progress. So let’s go through each together.
Acknowledging What Is(n’t)
How can one integrate or release that which one is unaware of fully, right!?! Now, it’s good to note that the act of acknowledging is a far deeper process than becoming aware of the situation. It is more in the ability to experience event(s) differently, to grasp a larger story through multiple perspectives.
If you have joined me in other writings, you may have come to realize that events take on a meaning, based on a collection of previous life experiences (a.k.a. labels) specific to the person who is in the act of experiencing. In other words...our reality is a completely subjective experience.
While it feels like we observe events accurately, a more profound truth is that there is immensely more going on that we are unaware of. Included is the subjective reality/perspective of the person experiencing it, as well as others, such as another who is interacting with the recipient, as well as any observer who may be detached from the experience directly.
Combining this with the notion that at a conscious level, we experience only a fraction of a percent of the total culmination of events at any given moment, one can begin to get a handle on the idea that any perspective, as clear and vivid as it may seem, is far from the complete truth. Sure, it’s YOUR truth, yet, as it’s said in the field of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP)...the map is not the territory.
Once this concept is accepted, one then has the potential to utilize these multiple perspectives in a process called perceptual positions, which offers the possibility to unlock a deeper story and ultimately allows healing to unfold.
With proper guidance or training, we all have the option to understand varying perspectives with relative ease. You can experience it through your own eyes, from the first-person perspective. We can also view the events from another person’s point of view, to consider how it transpired through their eyes. Even more, we can step outside of the parties involved and notice what is present when we witness the events as if being a fly on the wall or a security camera recording the interactions.
As a side note, while we are talking about ‘viewing’ the events, recall that we have multiple input channels (our senses). So, realize that some find it equally, if not more efficient, to check into how it feels or how it sounds from each point of view.
All in all, changing perceptual positions brings with it the opportunity to experience the memory from a foundation of a deeper truth, in lieu of what may have been the individual perceptions of those involved. When this occurs, one can quickly find the awareness and acceptance of a different story, often alongside a deeper comprehension of the purpose of the experience, even to the point of how one may have possibly contributed to the event, consciously or unconsciously.
This is where we can begin the process of acknowledging what is and what is not. Through the collection of information obtained through various positions, we can start to notice aspects of the story that were outside of our experience, yet, vital to absorb the learning your subconscious desires you to gain. Pretty cool, right?
Now, to be fair, by no means is this a simple process for all. Acceptance can take time, as there are often big emotions to settle as well. Yet, when we are able to fully acknowledge and accept what is, and what isn’t, then we can also begin to face what needs to be done to move beyond it, physically, mentally, and/or energetically.
That said...also realize we have two other steps to consider, which are equally vital to the process of letting go of those unresourceful memories....so on to the next.
Refreshing Energetic Connections,
Interestingly, it’s less common in the field of mental health and wellness to find focused talks and efforts around refreshing energetic connections, yet, its potency should not be overlooked.
True, there is growing popularity in concepts like affirmation statements, community support groups, and even personal motivation workshops. Moreover, there’s an expanding acceptance of the untapped world of the unconscious, astropsychology, and other powerful modalities that offer insight, perspective, and purpose. And, while all these are wonderful, useful, and valuable in their own right, one must come to terms and honor that a wound has occurred, that which we term an original wound, and with that, there is an energetic divergence to consider.
When a wound occurs energetically, emotionally, and yes, physically and mentally too, unless the recipient has the tools and wisdom to resolve the trauma, it remains lodged in the subconscious, stored until the recipient has the capacity to handle it. At some point, one must take appropriate actions, through deep subconscious reclaiming, to rebalance the displaced energetic exchange, which resulted from the traumatic event. Until this is dealt with, concepts like affirmations are as impactful as combing the mirror to fix your hair.
As with others, this process of reclaiming and rebalancing can be multi-layered with a collection of approaches working in conjunction. So, again, a one size fits all response is not appropriate. That said, there are key themes to consider...such as resetting energetic connections, rebuilding the relationship with the Forgotten One™, and utilizing subconscious principles to express what was silenced, experience what was suppressed, and connect with what was forbidden.
Since all memories reside within the subconscious, it is there, where the shifting must take place, to develop a healthy relationship with the self and to (re)align with our truest nature...the Sacred You™. As part of this journey to achieving balance, one must include a process to rebuild self-trust, to heal the patterns that stem from the Wounded Child™, and to establish one’s own critical parent, separate from the external environment. It is in this development of a healthy, thriving, and intimate connection with your Child Essence™, that one can find immense success, where others have yet.
As for how this is done, again, it is not a process fit for an explanation in writing, as it entails the use of key subconscious principles in a dance with the responses of your unconscious communication. Here is where you want to commit to your healing and seek out someone skilled in the art of subconscious communication. That said...tread cautiously and with full awareness. Finding the right person is paramount. For example, sourcing someone who obtained their knowledge from a $7 online course will provide you with the same output from which they paid. So, be sure to seek out a true professional, one who has mastered the art of the unconscious, since you deserve it.
Now, on to the third topic...
Gaining The Learnings
To begin, it’s good to understand, or just accept for now, that the subconscious mind has many powerful automatic processes which pull us in a slew of directions. It’s quite mesmerizing if you ever stop and witness it in another. The more unconscious we are, the more we are pulled.
As to be expected, this is not a new concept for some, particularly those in leadership and commerce. There are many masters of industries that understand and utilize these principles. Some in selfless acts, others for selfish gain. No matter the motive, they exist and they are powerful. That said...there are a rare few more potent than dealing with the energic equation of ‘Cause and Effect’.
The principle of cause and effect creates an immensely potent mental connection that we find ourselves craving to satisfy. It is a primal driver as a human species, moving us unconsciously to find resolutions. We seek harmony in making the connection as to why something occurred, or justification for a (re)action we witnessed to. Perhaps you have heard yourself or another say something similar to… ”if I only knew why this happened, if I could only make sense of it, then I would feel…” Yep...cause and effect.
Now, in regards to our topic of unresolved memories, this necessary aspect can be easily satisfied by gaining specific learnings from the event (or prior to it), which is still required for growth.
When we complete the energetic equation and find a resourceful purpose for the event experienced, the energy shifts, too, the need to recall the memory. Yet, here’s the catch. Successfully gaining learning is obtained when one finds a purpose for the event which is empowering, future-based, and about the self. In other words, finding how we can healthily utilize the event for our individual and collective growth. When this occurs, the memory morphs with new energy and meaning.
Personally speaking, it’s nice to see that the notion of obtaining learning has found popularity of late, particularly in the field of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), systemic constellations, and other subconscious technologies. May have found some relief from their past through it. That said, as many have equally uncovered, without including the crucial steps to acknowledge what is(n’t) and to refresh the energetic connection, the problem often persists. In some cases, it remains, in others, it resurfaces at a later date. In even others, the same emotional blockage/stuck energy can shift to express itself in a perceivably different ailment. (There is a growing library of data on this phenomenon.) In short...all aspects of healing discussed in this writing are highly required for a more consistent outcome.
Let’s Recap, Shall We
Memories linger/continue from a desire for balance. When this happens, we are encouraged to bring attention to the display, so we can shift and move into a greater capacity of who we are.
Now...as mentioned previously, if you have found that you’ve already placed effort, time, money, resources, and support into resolving something, yet the situation remains, just know that it’s likely there is a missing component. That’s it. You’re not stuck with it. There is just more to be uncovered.
Reflect on the above information, as well as your attempts thus far, considering the three necessary components, then notice what comes as a result. Perhaps it presents as a thought, a feeling, a sound, or a different memory altogether. Just notice what comes and who knows, a linkage may unfold that calls your focus and points to a solution. Then notice how quickly you can effect change when you bring attention and take the actions necessary.
And...of course, you can always connect with us at the Secret To Life Institute and we can take it from there. It’s what we do.
About Carl Schirtzer
An internationally board-certified trainer and acclaimed master practitioner of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), Carl is a master hypnotherapist, accredited astropsychologist, and celebrated transformational coach, who commands a diverse range of modalities that Awakn™ the human spirit.
With a passion to unlock personal potential, he works in the sphere of the unconscious, utilizing astrological axioms, universal laws, and the language of the subconscious mind, to release original wounds and Ignite Your Inner Spark™.
Through enlightening perspectives, paralleled with powerful tools and techniques, Carl advises on how to purposefully influence interactions, past experiences, and future aspirations, while sharing a behind-the-scenes look into the secret principles to master your own life story.